Blogger: Etta Wilson
Location: Books & Such Nashville Office
Weather: Mid-40s. Still cold!
In the February issue of the review publication BookPage, I read an interview with Richard Whitmire, author of Why Boys Fail. Whitmire, the father of two daughters and formerly an education reporter with the Gannett News Service, writes that he used to think girls got shortchanged in their education.
But later he woke up to the fact that boys were not getting the education they needed. Reading experts report that starting at fourth grade, boys should pull even with girls in literacy skills, but that’s not happening, and most boys never cross the gap. Whitmire thinks that although men may rule the White House and Wall Street, they don’t rule the local economy and local government structure.
Could this be because boys and girls have different learning styles that aren’t being tried? What about the levels of math skills where boys have traditionally led? It is disturbing to read that the U.S. educational level has slipped so dramatically. Is there a correlation? I think we are at ninth place worldwide now.
I’m off on this tangent because I notice a slew of new books about the father-son relationship: The Nine Lessons by Kevin Alan Milne, Home Game by Michale Lewis, Halfway to Heaven; My White-Knuckled–and Knuckleheaded–Quest for the Rocky Mountain High by Mark Obmascik. In one way or another all these have to do with dads parenting boys, and I wonder if that won’t help boys re-engage with learning on a broader scale.
Maybe we moms have either coddled our boys or else neglected them for other pursuits. Maybe there’s just something about being a man that men can teach boys better! I’m in over my head in this complex issue, but I’d love to hear what you think about masculinity and leadership.
Wow, as the mom to four sons and growing up around mostly guys(as well as being the central house boys came to hang out,) married to an alpha-type ER doc, I have a LOT to say about this topic. (I’m also a former coach, P.E. teacher, elementary classroom teacher so have worked a lot with students.)
Learning styles have much to do with it and how classrooms/education is set up, but there has been a shift over the years about how society, as well, views men and doesn’t allow them to “be” men. From my experience as both a teacher and parent to boys, classrooms/schools cater to girls and discourage boys from being boys.
Boys have been shortchanged in the last 20 years in my humble opinion.
A very timely topic. Thank you!
Boys have been feminized over the past several decades. It may seem unrelated but viewing the men’s figure skating may help make the point. Look at the style of skating (in between the triples and quads). With one or two exceptions, we find it quite feminine, downright girly in fact.
There are PSA commercials for the Marines that air on TN radio. Sappy music, talk of nurturing, etc. This is a commercial for our military, our Marines!
It will be interesting what others say.
I’m glad to know there are books coming out to perhaps help reverse this trend.
As always, thanks for helping us see the trends out there.
It’s fascinating. And there is simply no way the role of husband and father can be deleted or diminished in the raising of children, male and female. But boys need their fathers to guide them and teach them even if it’s just how to change the oil or saw a board. And for those mechanically challenged men, teach your boys your strengths. Most of all teach them about the Savior.
Some statistics say that those kids who attend church with their moms (and the dads stay home) will have a higher percentage of rebellion/backsliding than those children who attend church with their fathers (and the moms stay at home).
We need men to be established in their God-given roles whatever those are for the individual man. “Need” being the operative word. Their value in every area of life can’t be underestimated.
And I’m almost positive with the brain chemistry of male and females that boys learn differently from females. Balanced teaching styles must be addressed.
Sorry, kinda got off on a tangent myself there.
I definitely agree! The importance of men to their families has been minimized in the last several decades, but I believe we’re seeing the effects of the lack of male leaders in both boys and girls.
For example, you mention education. Before the mid 1800s, many schools employed male teachers. Many families hired male tutors, especially to teach boys. I’ve observed that though boys and girls may be equally bright, they learn differently. Girls are far more likely to be visual learners, quite content to gather data from textbooks and demonstrate their understanding through workbooks and written essays or tests. Because that’s how they learn, that’s the instinctive way a woman teaches. But boys tend to be auditory or kinetic learners, at least when they are young. Sitting still to read or write or fill out workbook pages are not instinctive or natural to most boys, yet group learning in a typical classroom setting does not lend itself to “working with their wiggles.” They can come to view themselves as slow learners or problem children instead of just normal little boys.
For example, my daughter learned her math facts quite well using flash cards and speed drills, but those same visual methods frustrated my son beyond words. To drill his facts, we drew a hopscotch-style number line on the back patio and let him “jump” his facts (kinetic) while he talked through the process (auditory). My daughter could out-spell him on paper any day, but if we staged a spelling bee (auditory) to work on their word lists, he did quite well. Whenever possible, we read aloud in the evenings in turns.
Somewhere in high school the method of learning begins not to matter so much, but the self-concept remains, as does the student’s confidence and enthusiasm for learning. It’s that confidence and enthusiasm for discovery that enables leaders.
Terrific comments from you folks. Thanks. I think we’re honing in on some basics about the different ways that boys learn as contrasted with girls and the long-range effects. Vive la difference!
Etta
I agree with all the statements others have made. I’m so passionate about boys and was as a middle school teacher. Seemed like the boys that were more successful had strong father figures and strong does not mean authoritative, but strong as in invovled. Also, the boys who had identities, either that be in sports or music or art…something they felt defined them.
I am a mom of three boys and take that as a great calling in life. I’m so excited to raise these men with my husband. I think we make a excellent team and I already see my boys growing in their confidence.
I am the mother of daughters, but I have been concerned for some time that although girls are getting the message that they can be and do anything, it is at the expense of boys who too often sit back and defer to the girls. I went to a girls’ high school, which in the 60s was a good way for a girl to have equal opportunities. I have seen studies that suggest that today boys profit from separate education where they are not distracted by the need to impress and can learn in their own styles.
I disagree with KC that male figure skating shows the feminizing of men. Yes, there is a higher proportion of gays among figure skaters than in the general community, but by no means all. I am a long-time Lysacek fan precisely because he combines artistry with a strongly masculine style. The assumption that only gays are artistic is an American cultural thing. My male violist friend (father of two artistic and very masculine sons) has a theory that immigration filtered out artistic types because their skills were not useful for survival on the frontier. We ensure that things like figure skating have a higher proportion of gays by discouraging straight males from participating. Europeans, on the other hand, think nothing of a man dancing or figure skating or creating classical music.
My latest book, Crossovers, (self-published because my publisher didn’t think he could sell a book about a boy who figure skates) is precisely about this theme—you can be male and straight and artistic! My character is scared to death that his hockey buddies will find out, and of course, they do.
Mother of three boys, wife of a naval officer, this is a hot topic for me. I agree that boys have had a hard time of it the last 20 years. Boy scouts, athletics and band got us through with great sons, but so many of the boys we know are passive–most boys we know didn’t get their driver’s licenses until they were 17, while my daughter was there as soon as she turned 16.
In terms of books, I’ve read lots of questions along the lines of what do boys like to read? My guys liked stories about heroic characters vanquishing bad guys in their quest to solve a mystery. My one son said he liked Hatchet, but can’t remember why, now.
I recently saw something about a scientific study where chimps were given various toys and the males nearly always chose the cars to play with while the females chose the dolls. Boys and girls are certainly wired differently. In the past there was a lot of prejudice against women who were often ridiculed as the weaker sex, but now that’s been reversed and our culture tends to make fun of men and boys. Those are only two of the many factors involved.
Hi LeAnne,
Just to clarify, I didn’t mean to imply feminizing in men’s figure skating equals homosexual.
Agreed on Lysacek (he was one I had in mind regarding the exception).
I’m sorry if that didn’t communicate well.
We have a friend who was a principal dancer in the Houston Ballet awhile back, who was not gay.
My father is quite artistic, definitely not gay. 🙂
There was a good film about an Irish(?) dancer, Billy Elliot.
No,not meaning to imply that at all.
Was going more with what Crystal was saying – boys need to be BOYS.
I think this whole question is related to: what does it mean to be a boy? We live in Northern Wisconsin where they close school during deer hunting season, but an article I read a while back (Hornbook?) argued that Bambi’s anthropomorphizing of animals started an anti-hunting trend. You rarely (never?) find a children’s or YA book anymore in which a hunter is a good guy. Such traditional male activity is presented as brutal and undesirable. Instead of bonding at the trout stream or in a deer hide, men bond over girlie magazines. Personally, I do not see this as an improvement.
LeAnne, your mention of hunting in Wisconsin and Michelle’s reference above to Hatchet reminds me that Gary Paulson definitely wrote for boys. Has anybody read his new book? Is he still on the same track? I’ve got to look that title up.
Etta
So… I notice it is all women commenting… And let me start by suggesting you check out the ministry of CSB Ministries at:
http://www.csbministries.org
They are a gender specific ministry (men working with boys) not unlike a Christian Boy Scouts.
When you look at your church foyers and sanctuaries, do they seem more inviting for men or women? There is a call out for men to get real, and to stand up for boys. It takes a godly man to teach a boy what it means to be a mature man in Christ.